my place.
I know my blog is dead. Rarely, or never has pictures. I blog boring stuffs. Still, I love to blog eventhough I know there might even be nobody reading my blog.
Oh well, I blog to express anyway. Not to impress.
So if you find my blog is boring and lame or too emo, dont bother criticising because I wont give a shit about it.
{ Thursday, February 19, 2009
2:53 AM }
I may look normal, but no I dont feel so. Everyday I sat down alone glistening is the cold sweat of guilt, because I turned down every calls and smses from you, Ayid. I know I'm very bad. But I can't do anything else. I feel like a chicken not being able to talk to you, sorry for making you so worried. If only you know the real me, sure enough you're not gonna even get a sight of my face or hear the name of Syahidah. Alas, I still don't have the guts to talk to you about this no matter how much its urging me to.
Not only this, work has been really shit this few days. If only I wasn't released early that night, this wouldn't happen and everything won't be so fucked up like now. I really lost my mood for everything. Work, scandals, boyfriend and many more. This thing is stinging at my back making me hard to go on normally. I would really love to have at least 3 days off straight, my handphone will be switched off and I want to disappear like nobody's business so that nothing can add on the stressful thinkings on my mind. Everything seems to be very shitty now.
My mind tells me not to trust anybody anymore, everyone has their own invisible masks which people don't expect. And I swear I hate all bloody ass who's trying to make my life miserable. Very disappointed with someone whom I'm really close with, really its killing me. I cant believe you're a bloody liar who is actually trying to get on my back without me knowing despite everything we go through. I realise its not only me, but you're also a bloody fucking liar which I fucking don't expect. Wished I could tell how disappointed I was, but everything is useless. Wished I could tell everyone how bloody fucking cheater and liar you were but no, I wont because I will still respect you. With my filthy mouth, I really wished you will be gone dead after all this shit no matter how much I know it will hurt. I think I know the reason why you're doing this, but hell no I aint gonna mention anything here, because nobody can be trusted.
For now, I am grateful I am blessed with a great family whom I can trust and a circle of friends whom is always making me happy. Other than that, I only have Ibby to trust now.
Remember this, LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE.
Now I shall be another person wearing an invisible mask. You dont know me anymore, I wont be the same. Blog will remain for a few more days before I get myself ready to stop blogging and sharing each and every moment about my life. Then, I shall destroy everything. Somehow I feel like a celebrity now, seriously.
Life has always been a huge roller coaster ride for me, full of ups and downs, making me start to get tired of it.
I feel like getting love drunk, falling into this beautiful dream and not coming out to face the reality.
